Daily online jokes

Socrate
In ancient Greece, Socrates was reputed to hold knowledge in high esteem. One day an acquaintance met the great philosopher and said,
"Socrates, do you know what I just heard about your friend?"
"Hold on a minute," Socrates replied. "Before telling me anything I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."
"Triple filter?"
"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you're going to say
The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"
"No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and..."
"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not.
Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my friend something good?"
"No, on the contrary..."
"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, but you're not certain it's true.
You may still pass the test though, because there's one filter left: the filter of Usefulness.
Is what you want to tell me about my friend going to be useful to me?" "No, not really."
"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?"
This is why Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.
It also explains why he never found out that his best friend was fucking his wife.

POSTMAN AND THE BLONDE

After 35 years of work in postal services, the postman is preparing for retirement and he works his last day as a postman. One family gives him a pan as a gift, another one gives him a keytab, and when he rings at the third door, the door opens and a glamourous blonde appears on, holds him for his hand, takes him to the bedroom where they spent two hours in the most crazy "acrobatics", and after the shower she prepares the breakfast (eggs with the ham and orange juice) and gives him a $ 5.-
During the meal, he was delirious and asks: "Can you explain all of this to me...?!?"
The Blonde says: "Yesterday, I told my husband that our postman is going to be retired and we need to make something for him, and he replies:"Fuck him,......give him 5 dollars!"
...And the breakfast was my idea."